The Power of Silence
Awkward silence—it’s one of the most unbearable social situations, especially for extroverts like me. But powerful silence is one of the most impressive acts of human interaction imaginable.
During a recent interview (link at the end), Elon Musk took 21 seconds to start answering a question. Prominent scientist and podcaster Lex Fridman interviewed Elon and asked, “When do you think SpaceX will land a human begin on Mars?”
Elon replied, “hmm,” but didn’t utter a word for 21 seconds.
Many listeners thought the audio cut out, but Elon’s pondering caused the quietness. Silence of this extent is unusual. Most of us can’t stand the “awkwardness” and quickly launch into scripted monologues to keep the conversation moving.
But not Elon Musk, and equally impressive, not Lex Fridman. There’s more to learn from this silent exchange than from most conversations.
The Art of Holding Space
When I started podcasting, I struggled to let guests finish speaking. Eager to keep conversations lively, I would interject with my thoughts, ask another question too soon, or rush to fill any pause. Instead of truly listening, I was thinking about what to say next.
In hindsight, I wasn’t just interrupting my guests—I was depriving listeners of deeper insights.
Lex Fridman is a master interviewer. Most hosts—myself included—would have felt compelled to fill the silence. I probably would have blurted something like, “Give me a ballpark estimate, I know you can’t know for sure.”
But Lex did something far more powerful.
He allowed the silence to sit.
The result was a raw, unscripted moment—a window into the way Elon Musk actually thinks.
Fridman later reflected on that moment, saying:
“Silence is one of the most intimate things that two people can share with each other because it’s having a trust that you’re on the same page.”
There is something profound in that. Silence, when used intentionally, isn’t just an absence of noise—it’s a form of respect. It signals trust in the other person’s ability to think, process, and respond on their own terms.
Thinking in Silence
Elon Musk is not just a master entrepreneur; he’s a master thinker. His ability to challenge assumptions and break industries apart—whether in electric vehicles, aerospace, or AI—comes from his use of first-principles thinking.
Rather than reasoning by analogy—copying what already exists—Musk deconstructs problems down to their fundamental truths and rebuilds from the ground up. This method requires deliberate, focused thought.
And thought requires time.
Most people don’t exert the mental energy to think this way. Instead, they grab whatever answer is most readily available, defaulting to conventional wisdom or gut reactions.
Musk could have rattled off a generic, prepackaged response about Mars. He could have sidestepped the question with vague corporate optimism. But that would have been dishonest.
Instead, he took his time.
Learning to Listen, Learning to Think
The silence Musk and Fridman shared was a testament to the value of slowing down. It made me realize how often I rush through conversations, failing to give either my thoughts—or those of others—the space they deserve.
Here are three principles I’m working on to become a better listener and a better thinker:
1. Shut up and listen.
As a kid, my parents and teachers often described me as a smart-aleck—more times than I’d care to admit. While I can’t change my outgoing nature or my love of banter, I can learn to shut up when it matters.
I’m working on listening with presence—not like a cat ready to pounce at the first opportunity to speak, but like someone genuinely absorbing what’s being said. By listening more, I can better discern when a response is needed and when silence is the better choice.
2. Slow down.
The world is full of things beyond our control. But our words—their timing, tone, and meaning—are within our grasp. They deserve care.
Zeno, the founder of Stoic philosophy, is credited with saying:
“Better to trip with the feet than the tongue.”
A physical misstep might leave a scraped knee. But a careless word can permanently damage relationships, reputations, and opportunities. Speaking without thinking is easy. Resisting the urge to blurt out half-formed thoughts requires discipline.
3. Use silence when it’s stronger than words.
Anger is one of the most destructive emotions. It hijacks reason, mutes our better instincts, and amplifies our worst. In an outrage-driven culture, the impulse to react instantly is encouraged. But silence is often the better response.
Silence doesn’t mean passivity—it means control. When faced with confrontation, I want to resist the pull of immediate reaction. Not every situation deserves engagement. Some people are incapable of hearing logic and reason, and engaging with them is a waste of energy. In those cases, silence is the ultimate statement.
Mastering the Pause
I want to be a better listener, like Lex Fridman. I want to be a better thinker, like Elon Musk.
That means embracing silence—not as something to be avoided, but as something to be used with purpose.
By speaking less and thinking more, I hope to create deeper conversations, more meaningful relationships, and sharper insights.
And perhaps, in time, I’ll learn to share more intimate moments—not through words, but through the quiet space between them.
