Status in Nightclubs and Online
Bottle service is the ultimate nightclub flex. No one understands this better than club operators. They place the best VIP areas and bottle service spots within view of each other. Why? To create a (mimetic) rivalry, a war between customers vying to be the king of the club, for a night anyway.
Social media is like a virtual nightclub that never closes — a 24-hour, seven days a week, AMEX-fueled slugfest to achieve status, confirmation, and prestige.
There’s little discourse to be had at a nightclub. It’s almost impossible to talk over the thumping bass and patrons shouting over one another to order a round of watered-down booze. Social media is much the same. Memes, dance videos, and political hot-takes get more likes and comments than essays or thought-provoking compositions.
Before summoning an Uber ride to the club, both men and women spend time concealing their physical flaws, emphasizing their best features, and donning their most flattering (or risque) outfits — appearances that get attention.
It’s much the same online.
I’m not above the fray, but recognizing natural tendencies can lead to a more intentional curation of our online and offline surroundings.
Why is it that we so deeply desire material items and external praise? After listening to Johnathan Bi’s lecture on Rene Girard’s mimetic theory, I’m closer to understanding.
Girard links desire to two branches of motivational forces: physical and metaphysical. Bi explains that physical desire is experience-based, whereas metaphysical desire is based on identity. Clubgoers, for example, may go out to experience music they enjoy, an alcohol-induced euphoria, or sexual pleasure — all physical desires.
One can go to the club for other reasons, too, metaphysical desires. Being seen in an exclusive club, sipping an expensive drink, and being around famous people is desirable because of what it says about who you are. It’s not the taste of the alcohol itself, for example, that led you to buy it; it’s what paying for such an expensive drink says about you.
The decision to go out on the town is a cocktail of both desire types, mixed in various quantities. In fact, according to Girard, everything we do is a mixture of these two motivational forces.
At first glance, it’s easy to conclude that understanding these influences is pointless because we cannot erase them from our nature. But I’m far too optimistic to give up that easily.
According to Girard, we seek the “fullness of being” — a “deep, existential yearning, of wanting to be real, independent, and self-sufficient.” However, knowing this does little good because Girard says we don’t know how to achieve it. So what do we do?
We mimic.
Imitation isn’t bad; it’s the primary way we learn. We grow up imitating our parents, siblings, friends, and teachers. But Girard says we also imitate others’ desires — that desire itself is learned. We copy from those we are most like and those we admire.
Social media’s emergence has increased our model options from those nearby (our neighborhood, school, and town) to anyone anywhere. Author and Girard expert Luke Burgis touched on this, saying:
We’re all like “neighbors” to one another now. And this creates the conditions, potentially, for a mimetic crisis of vast proportions, where everybody is now trying to differentiate themselves from everybody else. It’s what Freud would call the “narcissism of small differences.” Narcissism certainly seems to be on the rise, and social media is fueling it.
Before social media shrank the globe, most people were metaphorically going to local bars to mingle with friends and neighbors. Today, most people land in a jam-packed nightclub full of familiar faces and strangers alike. Mimetic desire has always existed, but now, the 24/7 nightclub exacerbates our natural tendencies to mimic, amplifying its effects.
Girard’s theories can lead to a pessimistic view of life and the world. The thought of your desires not being your own is depressing and a blow to the ego. But I don’t see it that way. Understanding that mimesis is a human characteristic highlights the importance of intentionally curating your models. Start by listing your current influences — this exercise alone will help you get control of the external forces in your life.
Avoiding the club is almost impossible, but you can partake without sinking into mimetic madness. Distance yourself from models that don’t share your values. Review your actions and consider whether they align with who you want to be. Take steps that encourage desirable future activities (getting enough sleep results in a greater desire to work out the next day) and avoid those that all but destroy positive actions.
A simple awareness of mimetic desires lowers the volume knob, allowing you to hear beyond the noise and better filter information. It helps you create a social structure that reflects your values and vision of your ideal future. And it opens your eyes to influences you didn’t see before. According to Girard, we can’t suppress mimetic desire any more than we need to eat — but we can optimize it.
